As 2017 draws to a close I reflect over the last 12 months and all we have endured. Survival was my goal.
I'm still standing.
2018 will be the year I thrive. As I leave this year behind I consciously release the thoughts that no longer serve me. And move into a fresh new year where the evil energy of Narcissism cannot touch us. We are safe and we are strong.
There is still much inner work to be done.
I am ready.
Below is a letter that was written by a fellow survivor in a domestic violence group I'm in. It has helped me through countless dark nights I've spent unable to sleep due to trauma. I don't remember their name but I wanted to share it to remind myself how far I've come and to keep going. I hope that by sharing it, it may also bring comfort and strength to someone else.
You will not be my king anymore. I rebuke you and your teachings. My King is the King of ALL Kings. He is a King of love, peace, trust, self-control, kindness, gentleness, joy, selflessness, humility, grace, forgiveness, sacrifice, loyalty, and Justice. My justice in this life is to live. He created me to love freely. Live freely. I pluck you out of my heart one disgusting seed at a time. My King does not demand...He freely gives me a will to choose. I choose His goodness. I choose His attributes. You will no longer have a hold on my heart. You are relentless. And with that, you won't stop. But the fear you think you instilled in me doesn't exist. I no longer fear you. I no longer dread your words. I no longer allow you a hold on me. My King has taught me not to fight you. Because THE King has already defeated you. You have no authority. No right to be present in my life. I will give you none of my attention.
Warriors fight for healing. I will fight with all that I am not against your pitiful existence, but for my healing and for me. And know this battle is no longer against you. You don't deserve the energy to raise my sword against, let alone my gaze to you any longer. You see, your battlefield is hell. That is where you belong. Alone. I walk off this battlefield knowing you are going to self destruct. You are bleeding out. You are going to starve. May the arrows of hope blot out your sun. I don't look back. I walk towards me this time. Towards a future of light. Towards a future of happiness and hope.
You have awaken the truth in me. And while I cry, you think I'm weak. But what you don't understand is that what is rising up in me is your demise. See, your pathetic behavior made me resistant. Made me stronger. Made me believe there is more to life than living under your ego and pride. And your frail attempt to suck others into your ego feeding? May you starve. Now, don't misunderstand that statement as giving you credit. You deserve none. You just need to know that your condemnation and betrayal motivated me to be a better person than you made me believe. A better person than the girl you thought you molded me into. You attempted to steal me from me. You failed. I stand here, strong, worthy, and free.
You will live your life in misery. You will never experience love. You will never experience peace. You will never experience joy. But how could you? You are your own deceit. You consume yourself with the idea that you are superior; that you are a king. I laugh at your illusion. You are my past. You are worthless. You aren't worthy of the dust on my feet. May you whither up in your own death. You are nonexistent. . Live in that misery. Live in those shackles. Live in your hell. Because I refuse to any longer.
To your death,